#and its so bad bc im always so tired
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
The “We are the 99%” Tumblr blog became the slogan for the Occupy Wall Street movement.
Text
everything someone would want their partner doing to them for affection (such as hugging, hair grooming/petting, light touch) is something i do to myself and no one else is allowed to do it
i fucking hate being touched and my hair being messed with but i just caught myself petting my own hair. i hug myself or my pillow, sometimes i wake myself up lightly touching my own arm.
i have a partner and most people like their partners doing that, but i cant even bring myself to hug or kiss them at all, much less doing that. i always end up feeling trapped or crowded or start overheating and i hate it, but why do i do those things to myself and i cant simply translate that over to my partner
#trauma ig#idk#im always doing this#being up really late#procrastinating sleep#i think im afraid to go to sleep#i dont really recall any recent nightmares#they used to be really bad and i was afraid to sleep#but i domt really remember anythimg recent off the top of my head#but every night i try not to sleep#and its so bad bc im always so tired#and i need the extra sleep bc meds and seizures#and the depression hits so hard at night#but i cant stop
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
"Angry robin" "violent robin" "misbehaving robin" shut up and accept my alternative; spunky Robin. Determined and head strong, can out-stubborn the Batman, has a strong moral-backbone and does what he thinks is right regardless of what anybody else says, Robin. Jason who was sassy and quippy and made crude jokes with a smile on his face. Jason who hid in Bruce's cape and whispered gossip to him. Jason who, if Bruce refused him something, could keep bothering endlessly until Bruce caved. And also dramatic Jason. If Bruce tells him no, it becomes a whole theatrical show; a monologue, a narration, embellishments, and falling onto the floor in his grief upon the fact his cruel father has denied him once again.
(Jason who has suffered through abuse and homelessness and poverty and starvation, who is the Fight out of Fight or Flight, who's built up defenses and walls and when pushed and triggered responds with the thing that's always protected him; anger. He's sweet and kind and funny, and when he sees a pimp hitting a prostitute he gets furious and responds with violence.)
#my dc posting#dc#jason todd#jaybin#im having so many thoughts abt jaybin and he is so important to me#in one fic he went on a hunger strike bc alfred didnt eat w them and did it for so long they had to compromise#i love a jaybin 100% willing to menace and bother batman until the man folds. as is his right#the thing abt jason's backstory is that it shows him unwilling to suffer for a home#ma gunn's is bad; he gets beat up and she tries to get him to help rob a place. so he leaves! and rats the whole thing out to batman#and shows up himself cus he didnt think he had been believed#and lets not forget the fact he hit batman with a tire iron and called him a 'big boob'!#the boy's got moxie!! let jaybin be crass and angry and sassy and flawed and traumatized without reducing him to 2d caricature of a 'troubl#d kid'#i dont like a jason who did nothing but use excessive violence and disobey orders and be cocky and all that shit#i like a jason who was. oh yknow. a complex person!! a child/teen who has been fucking abused!!!#you shouldnt erase the fact that jason's reaction/response to stressful situations and triggers IS anger#it's not an indication that he was always gonna become a criminal/red hood or whatever. get outta here w that shit#but like. let us not go so far in the other direction we forget to have him react and be affected by the abuse he's suffered#anyway. if anyone should be a drama-queen it should be jaybin. once he becomes truly comfortable w bruce he should dial it up to 11#a lot of red hood's appeal (to me&many others) is that he is an 'imperfect' victim. meaning he is angry and flawed and doesnt suffer quietl#but is loud and obvious abt it#so when i see jaybin written as the opposite its like. man whats that about#anyway. jaybin is good and cares and wants to help and protect people. and by god if i ever see anybody writing#him having arguments with bruce about the no kill rule WHILE robin again im gonna throw hands istg-#my tags are like a hidden treasure box. most of what i say is in here lmao
44 notes
·
View notes
Text
Timeswap!Vettonso(I blame @ayceeofspades for this)
Thoughts:
References HEHEHEHE:
So the dynamics would be: STR!Seb x Aston!Fernando and Post-Retirement!Seb x Ferarri!Fernando(~2011-2012)
The former would be a Seb who is very hungry for Fernando's attention, but now he's with a Fernando is actually now very willing to give him that attention. Fernando is constantly repeating in his head: "Don't fuck the twink don't fuck the twink don't fuck the twink", but every time they end up on the podium together, Seb always ends up being all over him and "accidentally" groping him. So Seb is still a brat but is with a Fernando who's not gonna just be cold to him but will indulge him instead 🤭
The latter is more angsty AAAHHH!! Cause its a Fernando who is in Ferrari hell and Seb who is post-catharsis. And to quote C, Fernando is like "why are you so happy??? Did you win!?" and Seb responds: "no :)" But also I am not immune to Seb being coy and playing with Fernando. He now understands why Fernando was the way he was back then because he's now gone through the same thing with Ferrari, but also wants him to stop being so gloomy and angsty about it.
Don't ask about how these AUs work, just know that they have knowledge of what their original counterparts were like so it's weird for the younger versions to get to see what ends up happening to the other, and then allows the olders to gain a new perspective instead of their biased memories(i.e.: "you're not who I was villainizing you as in my head" = both of them realize that they were building the other up as such an antagonist in their head but then, oh, he's just like me fr)(but for younger Seb, Fernando realizes Seb just wanted to be friends :( and so now he's trying to be more of a mentor.)
#i also blame claire for making me think of str/rbr seb with current fernando AAAAAHHHHH#theres just something to me about him interacting with a fernando who is less volatile and more giving#you guys are really getting the full scope of vettonso AUs from me LOL#i am feeding every possible avenue djfjkgkg#timeswap au. historical au. canon art. etc etc.#also wow did you see that i overcame my fear of drawing racesuits? LMAO#ive been avoiding them until now but was like oh uh not that bad actually#also i swear to you i have a full art style LMAO i just feel weird posting chibis so much when i never really drew them before#also these didnt come to me easily so i spent like....way too much time#and now its way later than i intended#and like im the type to not really feel bodily tired but rn i actually just feel like loopy LOL#but i cannot start chibis without finishing them. bcs ill just never finish them#for c <3 thank you for always talking w me abt vettonso and entertaining all my random AUs hehehe#and also thank you cofi for your insights as well 🙏🙏🙏#vettonso#f1#formula 1#formula 1 fanart#f1 fanart#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#catie.art.#catie.rambling.txt
151 notes
·
View notes
Text
can someone nice (!!) please please please adopt me im begging you im requesting you (huge word vomit and vent in tags, pls dont read if u dont want to!! and if you don't want this stuff on this blog PLS lmk!! i dont wanna make anyone uncomfy! )
#tw vent#yes ik i have a vent blog#but idk why i dont wanna go there#ill prolly delete this in a while + if i vent here (which ill try not to) ill always tag it#but if any of yall aren't fine with it pls do lmk!!! ill stop <3#Anyways.#fucking hell i hate this.#dude#i very specifically told them to hurry the fuck up THEY were the ones making us late#i have told them a hundred times the minimum time i jeed to get ready#i told them this morning too that you guys make us late then put it all on me#nad she went like oh no dear dont worry that wont happen#WELL GUESS WHAT BITCH#and like the lecture and huge ass scolding and then cold shouldet ive been getting from BOTH of them before i left for coachinh#im just tired atp#idk its not even that big a deal this happens everyday#i dont know how to feel#idk if im even rly feeling anything atp#its just that i really fucking hate being here#I wanna get the fuck out#but thing is this makes me feel kinda guilty occasionally#for eg a few days ago i was rly sick and she took care of me kinda#and then that made me feel bad for hating her#but then things like this happen and i cant help it and i feel so conflicted#i dont want to stay here i know that for sure but i feel guilty for it#if i speak im being rude and backtalking#if i dont speak im being rude and ignoring#the fuck am i supposed to do????#she always tells me to 'stay silent and just hear it'#and when i do that she keeps shouting again and again and finally i say smth bc although its extremely fucking dumb of me to open my mouth
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
#feeling so silly lawwlll walking in circles#i thnk im feeling a special type of way ..#i know i keep going on ab the samw bs and how crazy gf YEAAH UEAH WE GET IT#but i thnk in doing so im like revisiting parts of myself and writing more and i think im jst being sentimental#sooo sentimental .. so saccharine ..#everyone has been rly nice ab my art LIKE SOOOOO NICE RECENTLY#and imean people always have like im very lucky and grateful 2 be able to feel like i can share my hobby .. ^__^#but i thjnk like . to take smth that is so representational of my like . art goals and wants from a young age#ouuyyyyuuuuuyyfff T__T ooiujjjjjj#I DONT KNWWW i dont know . i dont know what im saying but i feel like i just need 2 talk abd be like hey this is so reaffirming .needs 2#i think like . bc my life turned out soo different than i imagined ive been dealing w like . a lot of hopelessness and feeling soo stuck and#stagnant and idk bad things and in a way i think like . coming back 2 something years later and being able to see progress in such a physica#physical way and to feel like more at ease and more like myself than i ever have is rly crazy and making me think long and hard abt stuff#and its all of these like . reflections im dealing w that r then padded by like some of the nicest comments and tags itslike#head in my hands /pos . grief but like ij a way happy grief#INFEEL SOOO RIDICULOUS its ridiculous it rly is IHAHAHAHAHAHA#i think its bc im turning 25 soon and thats the age i told myself id never live past iykwim which ks like crazy to drop on tmblrdotcom#but there r so many emotions tied 2 that and i think this is just one of the things^ stupid fanart ^ that makes me rly happy idk#do you know what i mean . like i feel so goofy saying it but its genuinely the connection i rly appreciate and means a lot 2 me#i feel like my ‘thank yous/i appreciate it/ means a lot’ grow tired but its soo fr every time i swear#kicking rocks or watever . i wish i cld extend my gratitude but anyways . thanks 4 reading this far if u have#ughg man and i think of the friends ive made thru this blog specifically nd my eyes r burning#sorp.. guys i love u all thank u.
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’ve never been so obsessed with a character so bad that I literally can’t do anything else I’m like the squidward meme watching SpongeBob frolic outside the window stretching a hand out to all the pretty paintings and animations and comics I see in my head but being unable to feel any motivation for it . If only i could use the energy spent to create 20 kon doodles to sit down and concentrate on a single finished full piece I used to be able to make like 5 page comics what happened to me
#sighs yes before anyone says anything IK it’s probably adhd related 😭#BUT ITS GOTTEN SO BAD I CAN FEEL THE DIFFERENCE IN MY BRAIN HOW DID IT GET WORSE#it’s probably a mix of burnout too but I don’t get tired of drawing ?#it feels like when u get dizzy or change glasses or so#and it’s either everything is wayyy too in focus and you can see literally everything clearly that it hurts ur brain#which doesn’t help given how saturated w information the world is always#and simultaneously somehow everything is blurry or out of focus and I physically have to strain myself to hone in on one thing#I JUST WANNA READ COMICS AND FINISH A DRAWING AND HANDLE WORK AND SCHOOL AND TALK TO MY FRIENDS#ALL IN OME DAY#BUT MY BRAIN IS LIKE. TODAY IS ONLY FOR COMICS. YOU CANT DO ANYTHING ESLE#😫🫶 I’m deleting this later I’m just ranting LMAO#I’m highschool it’s crazy bc I did okay and then honestly i just think my ability to concentrate has deteriorated as the years have gone by#free me!!!#either way I want to lessen my social media and just pick One bc girl I have an Instagram a tumblr and a twitter this is horrible for me .#honestly I’ll probably pick instagram and just post on tumblr when I have art#I already do that#I mean when I have Good art.#IM RAMBLING IDK
75 notes
·
View notes
Text
the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
i h8 nightwing ((2016)) sm that i would reread it all over again just 2 make a list & point out all the things i dont enjoy in it
#i recently remembered issue 100 & it made me head in hands in the not fun way#listen i like dick#i like a decent....i think? amount of the run#its just SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not....i just dont like it vry super duper much#its like#like yk how theres that thing where ppl go smth smth “comic fans always look 2 muhc in2 a thing”? yeah that#thats me w/this stupid run i dont like it vry muhc#it annoys me thats prolyl the best way 2 describe it#IS THE 90S RUN BETTER? uhhhh idk thats also pretty awful especially after dg started writing 4 it#all the plots got weird & 4getful & didnt make sense#like somethings just happen & never get explained & its hella annoying#but ughhhhhh idk i think im more fine w/it rn bc its darker & im an edgy piece of shit#but theres smth about dicks characterization in 2016 that makes me confused & the watered down points-#am i just speaking out of my ass?#PERHAPS#but im thinking about shit in 2016 & just banging my head on the desk#srry im just yapping but also this is my blog fuck u?????????'#srryyyyhJ<#im actually just so tired of not complaining like im keeping it in it feels bad 4 some reason#i wanna share my opinion 4 some reason EWWWWWWWWWW
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Noticing since my voice dropped people read my tone wildly inaccurately
#im always read wrong like this is a lifelong thing i have to put a LOT of effort into sounding like. nice ig#i just generally am pretty flat and monotone unless i put in the work and i have to put in so much more work now bc i guess cus it's deeper#i come across as angry or tired more -__-#its whatever but also like -_- i hate having to put in work to sound nice or happy just listen to what i say not how i say it grrr#not relating to T but you know like the hum noise you do to say yes. like mhm. that one#people ALWAYS. think im doing a ''what?'' hum instead of a ''yes'' hum WHAT am i doing wrongg helllpp#oh hold on post cancelled my art print came and the packaging is soo fucked up at the edges and warped lol i hate inprnt soo bad its crazy#.txt
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
What does one do in the situation of a centipede falling into their bed 🙃 genuine question
#I HATE BUGS IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF BUGS WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS TO ME#im going to die this is going to be my final straw#i really reallt really hatw thwm#and im always so cautious when they crawl on thw ceiling bcs i know those motherfuckers like to fall down#and there was on above my bed which i despise#and like i felt the urge to jump up out of bed#and literally right after it falls right where my head was#how do i go back in the bed??????????? its been desecrated#IDK WHERE IR WENT BCS I SCREAMED AND RAN OUR OF THE ROOM#i dont even wanna look bcs thats how bad my fear is of them#guess ill go die then!#catie.rambling.txt
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
hello friends it’s been a month i hope you’re doing well <3
#mädch rambles#why!!!!! is it so hard working full time and trying to be on here 😭#i wanna gif so bad but literally have 0 energy#i haven’t listened to kpop in a hot minute bc honestly ….. im soooo into true crime podcasts jdjdjdjd but!!!#also running mxinfo drains everything out of me like half of the mx content comes out when im at work and sometimes its a lot and i just#play catch up in the evening and im too tired to scroll and make content 😭😭#im trying!!! i’ll get to it again at some point …..#how are we all doing mbb friends i miss you all SO MUCH and always hope you’re doing well :)#love you !!! miss you !!!!
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Being an introvert that everyone thinks is an extrovert is sure... something
#its tiring is what it is#at some point people seemed to take it as 'quiet person who is socially awkward' but i can be very friendly bubbly etc etc#so theyre like oh youre so extroverted!! like no. i really need to go be by myself now or im gonna freak out lmao#i always feel like no one has a clear image of me tho bc people have always thought i was super confident#bc idk ? im loud sometimes more in the past than now and idk i crack jokes ?? but like no i have horrendous body issues and bad self esteem#literally since i can remember. genuinely going back to when i was like 5 so again its just very ?? whenever people say shit to me about me#like my cousins bestie who i have known since i was like 6 said i was such a joyous happy person#and truly it made me so confused bc i am truly not but idk guess to her i am so 🤷♀️#this is why i spend so much time alone now#its not totally an act sometimes i am that happy and fun but it is sometimes a mask that i have just been doing for 20 yrs so im good at it
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
feeling so sick again ugh.. i needed to go lay down for a while but i pushed it off bc i wanted to be at my desk still and i rly shouldnt have bc i feel so unwell now. this is so fucking annoying. why do i have to lay down so often.
#97#there IS a thyroid issue but also its apparently mild#and i feel like my gp doesnt take this seriously bc im bipolar so its assumed im just feeling bad bc of depression#but i just.. i dont just feel unhappy or apathetic or emotionally tired i feel SICK.#its not just 'i need to lay down bc im emotionally exhausted' its 'if i dont lay down i will feel extremely physically unwell'#like something is wrong w me and nobody will help. thats kinda how it feels rn.#it was not always like this. even a couple years ago it was not this bad.#something is going on w me and i need help and no one is taking me seriously.
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
If I could change one thing in my life I'd make it so no one ever commented on food
#elias.zip#im so fucking tired of it!!! joking or not its fucking degrading. just constantly. i get it im so fucking unhealthy all i eat is processed#chemical slop thats gonna kill me at 30 and im the unhealthiest person in the fucking work#world* you dont need to fucking remind me every goddamn day. even the comments that arent bad still make me feel likr shit for eating!!! i#already feel really bad about how poorly i eat. i literally cannot fucking starve myself more basically over this kind of comment.#like damn!!! i sure do have a lot of body issues for someone whos skinny WHY am i even complaining in the first place likr i used to fucking#hate my stomach and its noy when#even* big and i think its gone down bc i eat even less now!!! i cannoy make ANYONE happy no matter what i do or what i cook its always comme#nt comment comment in everything i fucking do. i swear to god im never going to fucking recover from living with them. i would've run away i#f i grew up with them im serious#negative#ihateithereihateithereihateithere#nothing's working out. i csnt make friends. i csnt keep them. im a fucking deadbeat im just like my dad in every conceivable way no ones pr#oud of me no matter what i do and i fucked myslef from any opportunity i had to get out of the system what is the fucking point#i jsut dont knoe anymore!!!!!! its not like the Future even looks good or that i see myself anywwhre but in the exact same spot because all#i ever fucking manage to achieve is self sabotage and whining about how no one loves me. god!!!!!
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i do think the amount of comparisons between black sails and ofmd - both favorable and unfavorable tbh - is a little out of hand lmao like even before the flint vs stede poll there was a lot of it and its like. they are completely different shows with completely different goals. i just saw someone call ofmd a "black sails ripoff" and honestly what the fuck are you talking about. is black sails a pirates of the caribbean ripoff?? is there only allowed to be one television show about pirates and everything else is a copy?? or is it just the fact that there are also gay characters in it? im just like there are PLENTY of real and good criticisms why does it always come back to this. let them exist separately
#if this post gets too many notes i’m deleting it. it’s not an ofmd stan post please don’t ignore the last bit#i do not want the hardcore stans getting ahold of this and then ppl interpreting ME as one 😬#the post thats going around thats like calling it 'a comedic version of black sails' you mean a comedy about pirates????#yeah they use the same characters bc they are...... real pirates........#like i know (or have to assume) its not 100% literal and maybe i am being autistic about this but i still just get. tired of it.#AND IM NOT SAYING YOU SHOULD LIKE IT OR NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT IT OR NOT MAKE FUN OF IT#shit on it and the fanbase to your hearts content but this just gets on my nerves like. idk man#then on the flip side there were ppl saying if you liked ofmd you should watch black sails!!! which like. idk.#ofc i would rec black sails to anyone bc its fantastic. but i wouldnt rec a gritty drama to someone based solely#on the fact that they enjoyed a comedy.#full disclosure i am an ofmd enjoyer! i love taika and had been excited about the project for a long time. i dont 'participate in fandom'#bc i do not like The Fandom and i havent been all that enthusiastic about the show since it was actively on/had just aired#but like i am not saying i like the show so dont talk bad about it. i am saying theres lots to say about the show#so why do we always make it about black sails#r.txt#ofmd#for ppls blacklists lmao
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
love being at the climbing gym like yeah im not that flexible and then constantly doing moves matching my hands n feet on the same holds even when completely unnecessary
#half the pictures ppl take of me i have one leg straight and the other at my shoulder height. okay yeah#just looking thru ones ppl have taken recently of me again.. we love being vain n self obsessed#cant wait to get back there on monday i have so many projects rotating in my mind. im always thinking abt them while im at work#.diaries#i flashed a v4 yesterday that was a kind of manoeuvring all your hands and feet onto the same hold and standing type deal#and it felt rly natural to me n then no one else could do it n i felt bad for calling it easy for a v4 i just forgot i can Bend 💀#its mainly only bc im a little younger than some other ppl. and a bit lighter too... and doing years of resistance training has given me#more range of motion than ppl who have histories of different exercise styles/sports#there are ppl who are way more flexible than me ofc but some of them in the group dont have as much core or power.. different stats innit#i figured out a start to another v4 that i was rly proud of too.. just need to get the rest of it next week#but again no one else could even start it my way which was frustrating bc my fave thing is getting to share smth i figured out w someone#so we can joint problem solve the whole thing n both send it... anyway i think its still useful but theyd have to start on the other side#and go up a little in order to come down into the position i had. since its a weird one to get into from the ground bc ur legs are folded#mmmmm....#im so tired i meant to do so much when i got home from work but zzzzzzz#oh welllllll.. itll be a fun weekend hehe going to visit a friend for a few days <3
2 notes
·
View notes